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A fool proof guide to surviving the supermarket.

Grocery shopping is one thing I really hate to do. There’s somthing just so cruel about making somone hand pick groceries they have to cook all week. While on the subject of cooking lets just be honest for a minute. For the price of groceries today those bad boys really should be cooking themselves.

I know what you’re thinking, and I really dont have anything agaisnt the grocery store. It never used to be that bad from what I can remember, then I had children. It’s true they really do ask for everything in sight. One time when strolling the produce section with my daughter she grabbed somthing off the shelf, and had to have this cool “new toy” as she called it. She begged, and she pleaded she had to have it.

It was an egg plant, she was asking for an eggplant.

If you’re like me or this story hits just a little too close to home. This guide will help you tremendously on your next grocery trip. Especially if like me, you have two under the age of five.

What you will need:

Children

A peice of paper with a zoo animal on it

Bribes…. I mean hunter treats. (M&m’s work the best)

A good pair of sneakers

Step 1

Put on your best pair of running sneakers. You know the ones you bought for the gym. Even though you never get to go, because no one in your house would survive for an hour without you. Including your husband, and well the gym just simply isnt open at 2am. Yeah those ones.

Step 2

Collect your children, make sure you get them all. Seriously count them. The burglars of this world would not survive a Home Alone scenario with your kids. Besides I’m not positive it would be taken so nonchalantly in our day and age. Just count them.

Step 3

Wrestle the animals, I mean children into the car. Buckle up and head to the store. On the way there tell them that the animal on your paper has escaped from the zoo( I usually use a lion or giraffe). Everyone is positive it’s in the grocery store, and you need them to search for clues.

Step 4

Place children into the bunk of the cart, and hand them the zoo animal picture. Tell them they must be on the look out for any clues. Who would have ever thought there would be a lion in the grocery store. This is where you will need the bribes .. I mean M&Ms.

Step 5

Animal hunting is very tiring and unless by some small miracle there really is a lion in your supermarket. Your kids may get bored looking for signs that well aren’t there. When this starts to happen you announce that they have just used up all their energy, and need a boost. Then you give them two or three M&Ms. This way they will have full energy to look for clues.

There you have it. Misson complete you get to shop is peace… well almost. The kids have a blast, and no melt downs. So what was the point in wearing the sneakers you may ask. Well those are just incase things go south, and you find yourself running for the door with multiple screaming toddlers. Mostly though those are because you would look pretty silly hunting lions in your flip flops.

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